Over my head

Dear blog,

I'm writing on my way to the office after having class in the education building. Except, it wasn't class today. I, however, thought we did have class as usual in Briscoe, but when I arrived at 1pm, no one was there. I was so confused. Then I come to find out that they were having faculty interviews and class was technically moved to 2pm to participate in the interviews.
It wasnt that I was frustrated... I mean the communication could have been more clear... But it was that I just felt clueless. Like everyone else knew what was going on and I just didn't. In addition to the confusion, it's raining pretty hard outside and the mood is dark.

After attending the interview and research presentation from the faculty candidate, I just feel... like it's all just above my head. I see all these scholars, professors, even some of my cohort colleagues engaging in research ... They totally get it. But me... Its totally not my thing. I look at it like its a completely different language.

I'm 7 pages into my create your own theory paper and as I read through it all sometimes I feel like none of it is making sense. Especially after watching a research presentation like the one I saw today. I feel kinda lost in this academic world. And all I can think about is how much more rewarding the artistic world was. And how little creativity exists in academia. It's all structure and tradition. No wiggle room. At least after I finish this paper, I only have the podcast left to do, and that will be my chance to unleash my creative juices.

For now... I'm just feeling a little burnt out. I have a little more to get through and then I can go home and see the family and friends from Utah, who I haven't seen in 4 months.

Smiling as always,
-Cameron :-)